If you have spent any time in Sant Antonio di Gallura or in Arzachena , dolmens and menhirs may not excite you as late Neolithic Helter Skelters or RollaCoastas but you will well recall the big Nuraghe near the end of town and the giant’s tomb on the other side of the road. The Bronze age Nuraghic people were so-called because they were ardent supporters of Bronzo Uniti FC whose home ground was in the North of Sardegna.

They made very attractive tourist souvenir figurines from smelting copper & tin

and they knew how to produce Tupperware containers for big round crispbreads they got on porcelain dishes from IKEA in Corsica. The Nuraghe clan always Nuraghe lager and they kept building round towers all over the island. Experts estimate there are 70000 Nuraghe buildings.

We set off with the resolve that we would dig until the evidence was revealed. We met up with Montalbini’s informant, whom we recognised immediately thanks to his perfect pecs & well-defined six-pack & box. But there are scores like him on the local beach any day. Unfortunately it soon became clear that he was scared of something and didn’t want to risk guessing where we’d find the snow.

These buildings were erected by Nuraghe Porca Miseria & sons in 1783 BC and lasted until 200AD, although they are in a deplorable condition now. There are just two rooms which are dry stone spirals with a pointy top locked with a small keystone and they are linked by a corridor or tunnel which has not been hoovered for centuries. The lintels look decidedly dodgy after just 3000 years and the cool-box larder cupboards by the staircase are in a dilapidated state. There were lizards where a fly-screen should hang. On the roof the terrace was blown away and all the bronze age sculptures and statuettes have been nicked – in short: uninhabitable.

They maintained a lively trade with other parts of the mediterranean, but no signs of boats or fishing remain. The top of the tower still gives a wonderful view dominating the whole valley and a direct line of sight with the mountain look-outs over the sea to the North & East. From the tops of the towers, you could still easily communicate around the whole region just as they did originally with iphones model 3. Perfect for defending the lands, the crops and the domesticated beasts (and any contraband goods they might be trading.) A smuggler’s paradise!

They buried hundreds of their deceased in the communal graves and there is no sign of class distinction and no sign of human sacrifice. Analysis of the bones shows that the Nuraghe people ate bread and vegetables and meat. There were different styles of building for the towers and surrounding village dwellings, which suggests different clans or varying beliefs. But no one has found any Nuraghe comics or magazines, nor newspapers nor graphics other than the designs found on the big upright stele stones.

Despite meticulous & painstaking geophys work before opening any trenches, the only finds I made were a bunch of trade goods talisman pendant amulets with icon patterns such as the meaning of life and the secret of eternal youth.